Being Chased by an Ogre

I have to admit that I have been a huge procrastinator lately. I'm not talking about putting one or two things off, I'm talking about ignoring projects all together. I always have a list, mental or otherwise that keeps me in check about what needs to be done. As of late, that list has gone by the wayside, and I have just turned a blind eye to all that needs to be done. I don't know what has come over me. Maybe it's the weather or the lack of motivation at work. Whatever the case may be, it's starting to spill into other area's of my life and as of this moment, I'm becoming concerned. I wish that I could blame the cold weather (today, the high is minus 25 Celsius), or the fact that work has been slow, but all these are excuses.  The real problem is...I'm lost. Not in the physical sense (I'm sitting at a computer, downtown Calgary) but in the mental/emotional sense. I work in a job that seems to be slightly less than I had anticipated it would be. Understand that I'm happy that I have a job, but this said, I got called the executive assistant yesterday, and that gave me pause for thought: Have I really turned into an EA? I'm not putting down this role in any manner, for I know that they play an integral part of certain organizations, but me, and EA? This wasn't where I saw myself 2 years ago as I graduated from University. Truth is, I really didn't have a clear vision of where I wanted to be, but I had an idea, and it isn't jiving with where I am now. 

For the last couple of months, I have been exploring a variety of possibilities regarding my career and next steps. If anyone has ever looked at the list of possible graduate programs, or the variety of career paths that exist, it's extremely easy to become overwhelmed and frustrated. And this is where you will find me. Sitting on the corner of overwhelmed and frustrated. I keep getting asked "What's your passion?", "What would you do if you had a million dollars?", "What would make you get out of bed in the morning?" The best answer, and also the most meaningless is I don't know.   My mother (God bless her) is really trying to help me find a solution. In fact, she called me at 7:25 this morning, while I was sitting on a crowded train, to tell me about her latest idea. The feedback is helpful (sometimes) but I honestly believe that unless I find something for myself, it's going to be all for someone else, and I won't find happiness in that either.  

So, where do I go from here? I don't want to be in the same position in the next 5 years. Heck, I don't want to be in this position a year from now. So, I have set a timeline, so that I don't get paralysis by analysis. By May 4, I am picking something and sticking with it. Even if it turns out that in 5 years I hate what I am doing, at least I did something and moved. At least I had the courage to change my state, my situation and my frame of mind. I don't want to become too cynical about life before I reach 30. That will only add wrinkles and unwanted stress lines. 

For today, I'm going to start by knocking off something small on my to-do list. Maybe this will give me the much needed boost of energy and momentum to keep moving forward and to help stave off the ever creeping procrastination ogre.